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    Saturday, July 21st, 2007
    7:12 pm
    Friday, June 15th, 2007
    11:53 pm
    WARNING: creepy as F**K!!!
     An old friend of mine e-mailed me a photo the other day (he claimed he took it himself, but could've got it from some-one/where else), and the story goes he was waking up one Saturday morning and fooling around with his digital camera in bed, when he started hearing a scratching noise from behind his bookshelf. Since he's a complete monk about keeping his room clean, and knew it wasn't coming from the other side of the wall (and probably too scared to move) so he asked his sister to come into his room and peek behind his books for him, then SHE got scared and screamed "there's SOMETHING behind the books!". Well, her girlish squeal must've scared the thing, 'cause next it jumped off the shelf, launching straight at him, and he managed to get this photo of it mid-air, then it (supposedly) disappeared into the radiator vent under his bed. He lives in Lowell, but is convinced it's the legendary "Dover Demon". Yesyes, I realize how naive I'm being, but damned if it doesn't give me willies something fierce. Have a looksee!



    Current Mood: cryptozoology-y
    Thursday, June 7th, 2007
    10:28 pm
    It's probably just because I've been outta the loop far too long, but I can't help but feel--neigh, predict!--that some sort of post-spring fest, pre-camp get-together is in order. If any of you kittens agree, just meow

    Current Mood: nostalgic
    Friday, March 16th, 2007
    5:36 pm
    Jeff Goldblum, marry me PLEASE

    Here's a quote I overheard Jeff Goldblum say while my mom was watching him on TV...

    Goldblum, playing a detective, interrogating a suspected pedophile:

    PEDOPHILE: "This is crazy, I barely even spoke to her!"

    GOLDBLUM: "Was that before or after you made sweet-monkey love to her?!"

    They should declare a national holiday dedicated entirely to him, where all the channels on TV only play things he appeared in.

    Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
    11:48 pm
    HURRY, before it's TOO LATE!!!
     Holy flaming Christmas, you guys...you just GOTS to see the Departed. Granted, most cine's have bumped it out of their time slots to make room for quality entertainment like "Van Wilder: the Rise of Taj" and "the Santa Clause 3", but if you're one of the few fortunate 'uns to know a theater that's still playing it, please, put aside all other arrangements and make a general effort to SEE THIS MOVE...after all, don't you owe it to yourself?

    I know what most of you are wondering--"but Joe, is it still just as good the fourth time you see it within a two month period?" and I'm here to tell you kats and kittens that yes, it certainly is.

    So, grab some pants, some money, and a preparation to be blown away (even though it will do you NO GOOD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA)and SEE THIS MOVIE! Because if you don't, who? Bears? Forget it. Bears don't even like movies, let alone have the same social standards we do. Trust me. They're two completely different worlds.







    DEPARTEDEPARTEDEPARTED!!!!!!
    Thursday, October 5th, 2006
    10:25 pm
    Waaaaaah
     the 5 Movie Moments That Made Me Cry

    1. Lawrence goes home (Lawrence of Arabia, 1962)

    2. Rizzo's last words (Midnight Cowboy, 1969)

    3. Saying goodbye (Lost in Translation, 2003)

    4. Swinging in the snow (Ikiru, 1952)

    5. Michael forsakes Fredo (the Godfather Part II, 1974)

    Current Mood: sad
    Wednesday, September 6th, 2006
    7:52 pm
    Wow, haven't done this in a spell. Just got back from the big apple, and perhaps one of the best vacations I've ever had. A good friend of mine from school was kind enough to invite me to his dad's downtown manhatten apartment for labor day, sparing me the annual chore of going to Maine con mi familia. I gotta admit, at first I was nervous and pretty worried about being mugged and/or shanghaied, but once I got off the train it was like "huh, this place is surprisingly clean." So we take a cab from Union Square to 16th street and get to his dad's apartment, and I was still kinda worried that it'll be leaky and have rats in the plumbing, but when I open the door the first thing I see practically gives me a stroke; a wall--a literal freakin' wall--stocked entirely with movies. How can it get any better, you ask? Well, as some of you may recall, the weather was particualarily abysmal that weekend, so it was like "Aw peas, looks like we won't be able to walk to the statue of liberty today, afterall! I guess we'll just have to sit inside this super-cosmopolitan apartment and watch dumb old movies I've never even heard of until this lil 'ol hurricane clears up, but I'm sure it'll be sunny tomorrow!" By Sunday, however, it had in fact cleared up, but much to my astonishment, I really enjoyed walking around for hours that day. First we went to a Chinatown restaraunt that only served Peking Duck, and I'll be damned if it wasn't the best freakin' mallard I ever had. We did some exploring around Chinatown, Little Italy and manhatten, and saw a shitload of mad cool underground record stores and whatnot. But anyways.

    Additional updates

    -My library reached the big 7-0 mark this week. Yes, that's right. Bask in my cinematic glory.
    -Wrapped up my end of the bargain for designing this year's camp DVD. Iknow, I know, y'all can't wait, but have some patience, darlings
    -I've recently taken up a Japanese Samurai Sword class. I should be cutting up ninjas and banging geishas in no time!
    Sunday, July 16th, 2006
    7:08 pm
    My Favorite Sawn-Off Shotgun Movies
     Yeah, sawn-off shotguns are pretty cool, and have gained iconic status through countless films and video games. But it's more than just a badass way to dispose of unsavory characters. It embodies everything involved with the most primal, extreme, and above all, ugly behavoir seen in humans--revenge. When the audience sees a character hacking off the barrel of twelve-gauge, they KNOW what's going to happen. When it comes to getting the ultimate payback, the sawn-off shotgun is everything that you can hope for: loud, raw, and very messy.

    1. Thriller: a Cruel Picture (1974)

    This Tarrantino-favorite was infamous for being the first film ever banned in sweden. A mute girl who misses her bus one afternoon is kidnapped by a malicious pimp who hooks her on heroine and forces her to "entertain" some very sadistic customers. However, she is allowed a day off once a week. And what does she do with that day off? Learn to kill. After several karate classes and trips to the shooting range, she steals a shotgun and goes on a bloody rampage. Not for the faint of heart.

    2. Coffy (1973)

    The blaxploitation flick that made Pam Grier a star! Coffy is a nurse fed up with the drug business in the inner city. When her 11-year-old sister gets hospitalized for taking some bad smack, she takes matters into her own hands. Within the first 10 minutes she takes off her shirt and puts two barrels of a shotgun in a pimp's face. Vigilante film making at it's best! Established Pam Grier as the baddest, toughest, meanest, sexiest woman of the 70's.

    3. Mad Max (1979)

    Mel Gibson in his first major role, although a bit miscast as a pretty boy for a tough and gritty character. Nevertheless, this is one of the best road films around. The last five minutes is perhaps my favorite ending to a movie. Worth the molasses-slow buildup. Watch this as part one of a "Road Warrior" double feature for best results!

    4. Evil Dead 2 (1987)

    The arguably superior sequel to Sam Raimi's cult classic has a mutilated Ash battling flesh-posessing evil spirits once again, but this time with a "Three Stooges" slapstick approach. Definitely the black sheep of this revenge-themed list, but just as entertaining. Demon: "I'll swallow your soul!" Ash: "Swallow this." BOOM! A classic.

    5. Rolling Thunder (1977)

    Another favorite of Quentin Tarrantino, and my personal favorite of this list. Why it's not on DVD is UNFATHOMABLE. William Devane is a vietnam veteran returning home to San Antonio after 7 years in POW camp. Within the first few hours he learns his wife has been cheating on him and his son is now 8 years old with a new role model. A few thugs decide to rob him one night and kill his wife and son, and leave him with a destroyed right hand. He's released from the hospital with a sharpened hook and a hankerin' for some good old fashioned, Texas-style revenge. Mr. Devane is almost too good as the seething, bitter "hero", Tommy Lee Jones is impossibly handsome as his army buddy, and Linda Haynes is superb as Major Rayne's girlfriend, but the real star here is screenwriter Paul Schrader, who takes what sounds like the recipe for thousands of crappy action movies and raises it to masterpiece status with his script. He's also famously responsible for writing some of the bleakest, toughest films of the 70's, including Scorcese's "Taxi Driver" and "the Yakuza". Virtually all of his films are the same, and deal with the subjects of violence, social corruption and revenge, but are never formuliac. For fans of savage cinema, this one is CRUCIAL.

    Don't agree with me? Tell me what you think, then I'll tell you why you're wrong.
    Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
    8:13 pm
    Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
    3:32 pm
    Top 5 Coolest Movie Weapons
     1. Lightsaber (Star Wars Trilogy)

    2. the Sword of Omens (Thundercats series)

    3. the Flying Guillotine (Master of the Flying Guillotine)

    4. the Law Giver (Judge Dredd)

    5. Wolfwood's Cross (Trigun series)
    Sunday, May 28th, 2006
    5:02 pm
    No--thank YOU, Kaiju wrestling
     Just got back from Anime Boston, in which my costume reigned unnapposed for two consecutive days. Unfortuneatly, I was unable to win any official awards because it wasn't based on an actual anime character. In other words, I was robbed of the glory that was rightfully mine due to originality. Bastards.

    However, I was almost able to compensate for it with the sheer excess of photographic immortality everyone recorded, of which I have none at the moment, but will most certainly release publicly to you, my adoring fans, as soon as I do, because let's be honest, pictures of yours truly decked out as a samurai warlord are what make livejournal worthwile. Until then, Ittai's eye-witness testimony will have to suffice.

    And now for some listiness:

    TOP 5 BEST CHILDREN'S FILMS OF THE 80'S

    (in no particular order)

    1. Labyrinth

    2. the Secret of NIMH

    3. the Neverending Story

    4. My Neighbor Tortoro

    5. the Goonies

    HOMEWORK 5/28/06:

    Check out Eugene Mirman's CD "En Garde, Society!"...or else.
    Saturday, May 13th, 2006
    10:21 pm
    Waahaaahaa
     Bleergh...aaugh...geck...

    so sick...so very, very sick...

    I met Dewey from "Malcolm in the Middle" today

    Needless to say, the legends of his mystical healing powers turned out to be false

    Current Mood: sick
    Monday, May 8th, 2006
    10:35 pm
    Sunday, March 19th, 2006
    10:25 pm
    Joe Gamache's 10-Minute Cooking School #3
     This week:

    Apple Pie

    Since George Washington invented it in 1776, apple pie has become as much a part of our american heritage as baseball, cowboy movies, and obesity. So show your patriotism and dedicate an available afternoon to the construction of this delicious morsel...afterall, you're not a communist, are you?

    STEP 1: PIE CRUST

    You can easily find a frozen pie crust in a tin dish at your local market ready to thaw and rock'n'roll, but that's no fun and even less tasty, get together the following:

    1. 2 cups of Flour
    2. 1/2 teaspoon salt
    3. 1/2 cup oil
    4. 1/4 cup orange juice*

    Mix this in a bowl with a fork and divide it in half, then roll the seperate pieces between two sheets of wax paper

    *use orange juice in your pie crust if you're making a fruit pie, and milk if you're making a cream or nut pie

    STEP 2: INNARDS

    Preheat your oven to 375 degrees

    Mix and set aside for tossing with apples:

    1. 2/3 cup sugar
    2. 2 tablespoons Flour
    3. 1 teasoon cinnamon

    Peel, core, and cut 6-8 tart apples into 1-inch cubes

    There are two variations of toppings you can use

    VARIATION 1:

    1. 1/4 cup of butter (cut into little crumbs)
    2. 1/4 cup sugar
    3. 1/2 cup flour

    VARIATION 2:

    1. 1/4 cup of butter (cut into little crumbs)
    2. 1/4 cup of flour
    3. 1 cup of brown sugar

    a) Combine the apples with the first three ingredients and stir.
    b) Line a pan with one half of the pie crust dough
    c) Dump the apples and sugar/cinnamon/flour combination into the crust shell
    d) Mix one of the two variations until crumbly, then sprinkle over apples
    e) Blanket the remaining pie crust dough on top of the pie, make sure the edges are tucked in tight
    f) bake at 375 for 45-50 minutes

    sometimes I run out of pie crust dough too quickly and don't have enough to completely cover the top of the pie. If this happens, just cut it into strips and criss-cross them over the top in a basket-weave kind of fashion. I learned this recipe from a recovering cancer patient, which means it has otherwordly powers from beyond the grave, and so far it's lived up to that reputation. Enjoy
    Sunday, March 12th, 2006
    9:44 pm
    Joe Gamache's 10-Minute Cooking School #2
     This week:

    Puerco Pibil

    This mexican dish is a bit exotic, and just complicated enough to impress your friends. The last recipe was good for a snack, but this one is meant to feed about three to four people, so make sure you work up an appetite and have plenty of space in your fridge for leftovers. Shopping for the ingredients became a sort of scavenger hunt for me, but you can probably find almost everything mentioned below at your local Whole Foods Market.

    STEP 1: ACHIOTE PASTE

    You can find pre-packaged achiote paste at any basic grocery store, but take my work for it, it's usually very weak and takes most of the fun out of making this, so I strongly recommend making it from scratch.

    Take a coffee grinder and wash out as much of the leftover coffee bean powder as you can, then mix and grind:

    1. 5 tablespoons of annatto seeds (these are what give the pork its vibrant orange color, but is not necessary taste-wise)
    2. 2 teaspoons of cumin seeds
    3. 1 tablespoon of pepper
    4. 8 balls of allspice
    5. 1/2 teaspoon of cloves (get the little sticks version of them if you can)

    STEP 2:

    Gather the following, and then combine with STEP 1 in a blender:

    1. 2-3 chopped Habanero peppers (these little orange bastards are the hottest thing in all the americas. Don't include the seeds unless you want to give the consumer a stroke, and be careful not to touch your mouth or expecially your eyes after touching these)
    2. 1/2 cup orange juice
    3. 1/2 cup white vinegar
    4. 2 tablespoons salt
    5. 8 cloves garlic
    6. the juice of 5 freshly squeezed lemons
    7. a splash of tequila (ask your parents for help on this one, kids)

    STEP 3:

    1. Get 5 pounds of pork butt (yes, you will need all of it) and cut it into 2 inch cubes, then put it in a plastic bag and pour in the achiote paste from STEPS 1 & 2 and shake well.
    2. Line a deep metal pan with tinfoil, and then with banana leaves (these are hard to find. They do add a little bit to the flavor, but they're mostly there for show. You can use tinfoil instead)
    3. Pour in the cut up pork butt and achiote paste and spread it out evenly in the pan, then cover it up tightly with banana leaves and tinfoil, or just tinfoil if you don't have any banana leaves. Make sure no moisture can escape from the pan while cooking.
    4. Bake at 325 degrees over four hours.
    5. Serve with rice

    This is one of my favorite dinner courses. A lot of my friends don't know how to cook, which never made much sense to me, 'cause not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to fuck. So remember, learn how to cook at least three of your favorite foods until you have it memorized, and feel free to experiment when you want. Keep adding to your home menu, so your friends have a variety of meals to choose from when they come over. In the meantime, enjoy this slow-roasted pork, and lemme know what you think.
    Sunday, March 5th, 2006
    9:19 pm
    Joe Gamache's 10-Minute Cooking School
     This week:

    Breakfast Burritos

    If you're like me, you're constantly finding yourself awake at a weird hour, and hungry for something that'll stick to your ribs. However, therein lies a dilema; it's too late for dinner, but too early for breakfast. The solution: Breakfast Tacos. These are good for any time of day, morning, afternoon, or night, but a warning to the wise--once you learn to make these, you'll crave them daily.

    STEP 1:

    First thing you do, go into your fridge and find those tortillas you buy at the grocery store (the ones that feel kinda like rubber) and through them in the trash because they are shit. I'll show you how to make your own homemade tortillas from scratch.

    Get a bowl ready, then mix:

    1. 2 cups of flour
    2. 1/2 teaspoon salt
    3. 1/2 teaspoon baking powder (that's powder, NOT soda)
    4. You'll need a fat. I use 1/4 a cup of butter, but if you wanna do them the old fashioned way, use lard
    5. 3/4 cup warm water

    mix it together, then separate into 8-10 golfball-sized balls. Dampen a towl with hot water and put it over them, and let them sit for about 20 minutes

    STEP 2:

    There are two different styles I know how to do. A lot of people prefer them seperate, but I like 'em together.

    VARIATION 1: EGG & POTATOE

    1. Chop 2-3 potatoes and fry them in a pan at medium heat with corn oil (vegetable oil will work, too). Don't fry them too long, and take them out before they start turning brown. You want them crisp but not toasty. Add some salt and pepper. You should be able to eat them off the plate if they're good, but safe them for later.
    2. Get rid of the corn oil in your pan (or use it for the second variation and safe this step for later) and put a couple slices of butter in it. While the butter melts, mix 4-5 eggs with a splash of milk in a bowl, and pour it in the pan, then add your fried potatoes. Mix the potatoes and egg together so you get a scrambled egg/french fry combination, then set it aside on a plate for after you cook your tortilla dough (see STEP 3 if you want to skip the second variation)

    VARIATION 2: AMIGAS & VEGETABLES

    1. Buy a corn tortilla from the store (these are different from the flour tortillas I discuss in STEPS 1 & 3), dice it, and fry it in the pan with the leftover corn oil if you used it for the potatoes in the first variation. If you're in my boots and can't find any corn tortillas to fry, skip this step and substitute some tortilla chips instead.
    2. Dice some onion, tomatoe, green pepper and jalepeno slices, and fry them in the pan with corn oil, then set them aside with the corn tortilla/tortilla chips for after you cook your tortilla dough in the next step

    STEP 3:

    1. Drain your pan of corn oil (if there is any)
    2. Flatten dough balls into disks the size of your palm, then roll them into 10-inch disks with a rolling pin
    3. Put the disks in the pan. After a minute or so, check to see if there's any color forming on the bottom. If there's black spots, flip it over and do the same for the other side. If it starts to bubble, don't worry, that means the baking powder is working. Just press down on the edges with a spatula.
    4. Load 'em up with either eggs and potatoe, or amigas chips and vegetables, or if you're like me, both. If they don't turn out delicious, that means you probably fucked up, or didn't read the directions right, 'cause it certainly ain't because of me.

    Bon Appetite.

    NEXT WEEK: Stay tuned for "Puerco Pibil"!
    Sunday, February 26th, 2006
    10:08 pm
    the following is a list of names for drug pushers and shovers I'm having a bit of difficulty deciding on, so for the sake of wasting as much of your time as possible, please read them and vote on your favorite in a reply to this post.

    1. the Medicine Man

    a blind, full-blooded navajo indian somewhere between 70 and 170 years old. If you got a fever for something special, chances are he's got the cure, and it's worth driving into the middle of the desert to get it. He's open all hours, and the "medicine" is always on display. If you've got a problem, you can take it up with his confederate pistol, which is always slung by his side and ready to rock 'n roll.

    2. the Jean Genie

    Looking like something the 80's chewed up and spit out, this poor little greenie's a "beautician" who's got all your nutrition. He's worth a trip into the city, as long as you don't mind his incoherent babbling about Monroe and occasional scream or bawl. He prefers to be paid up front with cash (although sometimes he'll accept some of your hair instead, for purposes involving the making of underwear), and if he tastes it first, just ignore it.

    3. the Walrus and the Carpenter

    This odd English couple hangs out in the back of a seafood restaurant by the beach, and will probably invite you over for some oysters and tea, but they like doing business while taking walks on the sandy shore. The carpenter gets his namesake from constantly widdling what seems to be the same piece of wood without break, while the walrus has his for obvious reasons. If you want to take a trip down the rabbit hole, they're your men.

    Current Mood: strung out
    Friday, February 3rd, 2006
    10:36 pm
    CIT interview tomorrow

    Wish me luck ^_^

    Current Mood: anxious
    Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
    6:02 pm
    HELP!
     I came home from school today to find a letter adressed to yours truly in the mail, courtesy of the Charles River Creative Arts Program. Naturally, my heart skipped a beat or two. After opening it with rather shaky hands, I was somewhat relieved to find out it's just telling me the where and the when of the interview. But then I realized I eventually have to go to an interview, and my heart starting skipping beats like it was playing hop-scotch.

    Needless to say, I'm powerful nervous, even though it's not for another two weeks. So, whatever advice you veterans may have, please, don't hesitate to send it in big, heaping gobs, and I will forever be within your debt.

    Johnny Cash and Stampeding Vash,
    ~Joe

    Current Mood: Nervous
    Monday, January 9th, 2006
    6:56 pm
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